For The Wynn!!

My mammogram came back without anything suspicious. Hooray! What next? I feel like I don't really have the urge these days to see my oncologist, which is such a change from when I couldn't wait for my 3-month check-up. Of course there is that part of my brain that is worried about feeling too complacent with my good health... but I try to tell that brain to be quiet. I've just started on serotonin pills to see if that will help quiet my obsessive-anxiety brain down. I saw a new therapist this week, and it was promising. She told me to eat potatoes before bed. I won't argue with that! She hopes to be able to help me with her 3-fold approach: cognitive/dietary/supplement therapy. I hope so.

It's been a nice few weeks. We celebrated K's fortieth birthday in style. We hung out with Brandy and Brad and showed them our backyard walking trail with the pups. We had a visit from family friends and went zinfandel & chocolate tasting. Life in Sonoma County is pretty darn nice, especially when it's winter but it feels like spring and sometimes summer. Miles learned that his colon is healthy and I feel relieved. We I had a great V-Day dinner at Zin in Healdsburg where we had one of the best appetizers of our lives... some sort of beef bowl with jalapeno cornbread sticks. And for V-Day Miles wrote me a romantic song about spraying watery doo doo. He is a very special dude and he is all mine and I love him!!!!!!

I Thought Heidi and Seal Would Last...

I have a follow-up mammogram this week. We will also be taking Charlie with so he can be a city-dog for a day. I had a great weekend. Happy hour with the girls at work on Friday. Shameless marathon all weekend with Miles as it poured rain outside. Football in the background on Sunday. I managed to clip out all of Charlie's ear-dreadlocks, now he is so soft and fuzzy back there, my favorite! I feel very boring (not bored) right now, but I am very content.

Munday Fonday

What a whirlwind it was over the holidays, and now it's finally wound down. A fantastic work holiday party at Ad Hoc where Thomas Keller asked me personally what I would like on the menu of my dreams. I replied: Fried chicken, mac n cheese, and mashed potatoes with tons of butter, pretty please. And so it was.

Then Miles and I went to Texas for lots of Liverpool Rummy, Yahtzee and movies, an Aggie basketball defeat, ham Christmas dinner, Food Network shows and a trip to Austin to have awesome barbeque and $4-pitchers of Lone Star and then as many longnecks as we could hold:



We then had a fun week with a cousin visiting: long dog walks, scary movies, candy shops, a full splurge New Years Day meal at Scopa, and a late night New Years Eve with dancing and hats and bonfires and sleepovers and resolutions with old friends.

And as if that weren't enough excitement, we wrapped it up with a Sunday (Monday) Funday with an old friend. Bowling, Yahtzee and ping pong! Hurry up and move back, Dando!

Spring Break at Lake Havasu

What a lovely weekend I had with my wonderfully handsome and kind husband. How did I land such a perfect catch?! I hope we grow old together for a very long time. These days I just about let myself believe that we will, though I have my moments of uncontrollable panic that cancer is just laying dormant somewhere in my body. Let's not talk about that now...

On Saturday we took Charlie to Barley and Hops for some early afternoon beers on their deck, and he made a few friends. We topped it off with supper, pool and beers at Stumptown, and a quiet SOA night at home. Sunday Occidental breakfast and a nice long walk in the woods with Charlie Barls. One of these days on the way home we're gonna stop and talk to the giant pig that wags its tail. Life is so quiet and full of love. Couch time with Miles, Nutsy, Joseph, Douglas and Charlie is my very favorite.

Road To Recovery

Nutsy gained nearly a pound!!! I was so happy I cried. This is the first time she has gained weight in probably a year. I am so very happy!!

I had a 6-month check up with my oncologist. I left the appointment also so happy I was crying. Seeing him always helps relieve the cancer/health/mortality anxiety I have. I got a thumbs up. I asked his opinion on doing a whole body PET/CT scan before having kids ... and his answer was he did not think I should, nor did he think I needed to. Instead, there is a newish blood test that can locate a single cancer cell within 1,000,000,000 blood cells. He told me I can take that test, and that I will get a zero reading, and then I can move on! I love a cancer doctor that instills such confidence.

Thanksgiving weekend was wonderful. Abundant good food and wine on actual turkey day. Wine tasting with Miles and his Dad on Friday. Saturday got the good news about Little Grandma. Sunday dog parking with Charlie in Healdsburg, followed by magic hour and bar food at Beer Republic, followed by an enjoyable rom-com at home with the entire four-animal zoo on our laps.

We saw Like Crazy last night. It made me want to vomit like crazy and it made Miles want to pour garlic butter on top of the popcorn like crazy.

Ear-Rubs VERSUS Eye-Rubs

My little grandma likes her crumpled ear rubbed.

My Little Grandma

Our little Nutsy grandma is not doing so well. Well, she's actually doing okay at the moment but we know that she's declining. She's slowly lost weight over the last year. But now that's changed to a rapid weight loss, and we've eliminated the easily treatable things it could be. The possible explanations we're left with aren't good, and she's so elderly and fragile that treatment would likely be more cruel than helpful. So we've decided to simply make the rest of her life as joyful and comfortable as possible, at least until it becomes apparent that we have to make a hard decision for her. For now, she's still enjoying lots of things. She eats voraciously, still likes pets and eye-rubs, still likes sleeping on our laps or on the couch with us, still hisses spunkily at the Charlie, still likes stretching and running over for treats, and even still plays with a string occasionally or tries to eat the cords on the blinds. After her check-up on Monday where we learned she'd lost 18% of her body weight in just a few months, we were feeling very grave and were ready to say our goodbyes very soon to spare her quality of life. But it is/was so hard to commit to pulling the trigger. I talked to Nutsy Monday night and asked her to let us know if she was ready to go or not. She responded on Tuesday by doing all of the happy things listed above with a renewed vigor. So after a long talk with our vet today we've decided to focus on palliative care now, and enjoy the time we have left with a happy Nutsy - whether that be days or weeks or months. I love my little grandma and it will be so hard to let her go ... but I will when the time comes. And then her and Trigger can snuggle again.

It's A Lot Better Than It Used To Be versus "Not Better"

Today was my 3 year diagnosis anniversary. Unlike last year or the year prior where I completely missed it... I've anticipated it for the past week. So it's here and I feel pretty awesome about it. The farther out I get, the better I mentally feel. Miles sent beautiful flowers to me at work - it was such an unexpected joy! He told me I was the strongest girl he knew. And you know, when strangers tell me how brave or strong I must be because of what I faced, it sort of makes me think "Well, what else would I have done - not gotten treatment and died? What choice did I have?" But when Miles tells me I'm strong it makes me feel soooo good because it's coming from the one person who saw me every second of every day that I had to (have to) deal with cancer and treatment and the aftermath. So it is very meaningful to me. Thanks, my awesome husband!

He also wrote me a haiku the other day that made me laugh so I wanted to share it:

sunshine sweet sunshine
i hope it brightens your day
glad you're not a vamp

We have been watching a lot of True Blood LOL.

Summer is officially over - maybe we can sneak in one more day at the river at some point? Maybe not. Charlie's wolfpack of one recently grew into a wolfpack of three! It is really awesome getting to see Ruby and Scout all the time now, not to mention Miles' dad. And going forward I have so much to look forward to: We're celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary later this month with a little Brent Weinbach. My parents are visiting again at the end of the month. We'll be visiting Janeball and her new husband in November. We'll get to celebrate the future Cards' victory with Will Johnson in person in November. And hopefully Miles and I will make it to Texas this winter, seeing as we won't have much reason to anymore after my parents move. I hope that we will run into Riggs.

Where Does The Time Go?

My memory is not what it used to be. Maybe it is lingering chemo-brain, or maybe it is because I take Lorazepam occasionally. I would guess it is probably from the chemo. But I used to have a "memory like a steel trap," and I don't anymore and it bums me out. I often have to try very hard to recall things I did a day or two prior. It's frustrating. Guess there is probably not much I can do other than accept it. Nothing else to really write about right now.

Texas Forever

Summertime around here is pretty awesome. We didn't get the full effect last year because Charlie was so young and we were busy training with him a lot - which I wouldn't have traded for anything! But now that he is grown goes everywhere with us, we're enjoying summer to its fullest!

We had really gud fud this weekend. It started with dinner at Bruno's - Miles had some of his favorite pork tenderloin ever, and I had a yummy & meaty meatloaf and some soupy yet really great maccies. We were greeted by three young kitties when we left the restaurant - a nice finishing touch.

On Saturday we went to Addendum in Yountville. We shared the fried chicken lunch box and orange dreamsicle ice cream. Charlie chowed on some wood chips. The chicken was well worth the hype. I didn't really know what to expect from gourmet fried chicken that's usually $50 and a steal at $16, but I do know that it made us very, very happy!! We didn't try the BBQ of the day which just means we'll have to go back next weekend! We also took Charlie to a dog park in Napa where he made best friends with a doberman, turned from a golden retriever into a black lab in the mudpool, and got to hang out with two other goldens, two huskies, two brittany spaniels, a black lab, a funny little corgi mix, and a parson russell terrier. I have never seen Charlie so muddy before! On the ride home he was so tired he looked like he'd been beat up.

Today we opted to skip the Sonoma County Fair and instead have a NFNL day! We had pizza from the weird new place that makes pizza that tastes like Round Table only way better.

Last weekend we took Charlie to our river spot and it was crowded, and he did so great like a Real Dog! He entertained everyone floating by and brought smiles to a lot of faces. He played chase-the-rock(s) with a shirtless little river kid with a mohawk.

In medical news, I had my 6-month MRI a week ago. I haven't heard anything yet and that's probably a good sign. In two months it will be my 3-year mark. Hooray!