How many more hours left?!
Here is where the needle goes into the port in my chest:
This is the opposite of how chemo normally makes me feel:
Friday, March 27, 2009
Only Four Mour!
I finished Taxol #8 yesterday, only four more to go!! I can't believe I am so close to finishing chemotherapy, it's been a long time. I've been bald for 3 months already, wow. We finally got around to taking some chemo photos.
How many more hours left?!
Here is where the needle goes into the port in my chest:
This is the opposite of how chemo normally makes me feel:
How many more hours left?!
Here is where the needle goes into the port in my chest:
This is the opposite of how chemo normally makes me feel:
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Voted Best Couple
Oh yeah... one of my awesome chemo nurses (John) told me and Miles: "The yearbook committee met, and you guys were voted cutest couple!" And a couple weeks prior a different awesome nurse pointed out this cute elderly couple who mentioned that they loved seeing the two of us together. Both very nice compliments that made me smile. :) I have blessed with a lucky and wonderful life!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Taxol #6 and #7 Done
I'm done with Taxols #6 and #7. I've been getting terrible headaches like clockwork on Sundays for a few weeks now, and they last for a couple days, ouch! Otherwise, I'm just glad to be heading down the homestretch right now... only 5 moar chemos!
Otherwise, I haven't been doing too much except sleeping off the headaches, working when I'm able to, spending time with the LOML, trying to be more mindful at online poker, petting Nutsy and Joseph, and drinking Sunkist floats. Despite the cancer and chemo right now ... I have a wonderful life!
Miles and I spent a really nice Saturday in Santa Cruz, hanging with his Dad and the dogs and the sunshine and the fresh air:
Otherwise, I haven't been doing too much except sleeping off the headaches, working when I'm able to, spending time with the LOML, trying to be more mindful at online poker, petting Nutsy and Joseph, and drinking Sunkist floats. Despite the cancer and chemo right now ... I have a wonderful life!
Miles and I spent a really nice Saturday in Santa Cruz, hanging with his Dad and the dogs and the sunshine and the fresh air:
Friday, March 6, 2009
Taxol #4 and #5 Done
I completed Taxol #4 last week and Taxol #5 yesterday. The #4 infusion went awfully. I had an ocular migraine, and maybe a real migraine too? I felt like poop during the whole thing. And then the Sunday following infusion I felt sick & worse than I had in weeks. Luckily, yesterday's #5 was a breeze! I felt fine and dozed off at the end of it because of the Benadryl, but then I came home and didn't even need to nap (which was a first). Each chemo brings me one more week closer to being done!
Lately I have been in pretty good spirits. I spent a couple of weeks back constantly worrying about recurring to Stage IV even though I am just a Stage I right now. It's immensely scary to think that although my lymph nodes got the all-clear, that my cancer may have unleashed some cells into my bloodstream that could travel to any organ of my body and latch on and start growing. All without me knowing or anyone being able to detect them before it was too late! I mean, that is some seriously scary stuff. But what I have realized (and have to realize in order to stay sane) is that worrying does no good. First of all, stats say that this is an unlikely event for a Stage I. So if I worry and worry for the rest of my long life and nothing happens, I will have wasted a lot of time and energy on unnecessary negativity. And second of all, if it did happen, worrying right now would not prepare me for how to really deal with it. So it's easier said than done, but I just have to stop worrying about it. Not looking at the Metastatic forums on YSC is a good first step, LOL. YSC is a website called Young Survival Coalition, dedicated to bringing together us young gals with this cancer that normally affects women at a much later age. On one hand, the message boards have a ton of useful information and the women there are a great source of information and support. On the other hand, I have to remember that I'm going to read a lot of scary things on message boards, simply for the fact that someone going through problems/issues is more likely to post than someone who is all-clear, years out of diagnosis, doing great and no longer thinking about cancer. Sometimes it's hard to keep that in perspective.
Anyhow, cancer is scary. It has changed our life. My perspective on life and the things in it has completely topsy-turvied. Does it sound weird to say that I am very grateful for that? Once treatment is done, I hope that I'm able to move forward with my "new" life, and not let myself become paralyzed with fear of recurrence.
Lately I have been in pretty good spirits. I spent a couple of weeks back constantly worrying about recurring to Stage IV even though I am just a Stage I right now. It's immensely scary to think that although my lymph nodes got the all-clear, that my cancer may have unleashed some cells into my bloodstream that could travel to any organ of my body and latch on and start growing. All without me knowing or anyone being able to detect them before it was too late! I mean, that is some seriously scary stuff. But what I have realized (and have to realize in order to stay sane) is that worrying does no good. First of all, stats say that this is an unlikely event for a Stage I. So if I worry and worry for the rest of my long life and nothing happens, I will have wasted a lot of time and energy on unnecessary negativity. And second of all, if it did happen, worrying right now would not prepare me for how to really deal with it. So it's easier said than done, but I just have to stop worrying about it. Not looking at the Metastatic forums on YSC is a good first step, LOL. YSC is a website called Young Survival Coalition, dedicated to bringing together us young gals with this cancer that normally affects women at a much later age. On one hand, the message boards have a ton of useful information and the women there are a great source of information and support. On the other hand, I have to remember that I'm going to read a lot of scary things on message boards, simply for the fact that someone going through problems/issues is more likely to post than someone who is all-clear, years out of diagnosis, doing great and no longer thinking about cancer. Sometimes it's hard to keep that in perspective.
Anyhow, cancer is scary. It has changed our life. My perspective on life and the things in it has completely topsy-turvied. Does it sound weird to say that I am very grateful for that? Once treatment is done, I hope that I'm able to move forward with my "new" life, and not let myself become paralyzed with fear of recurrence.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
The Vet
I'm taking Nutsy to the vet for an overdue checkup soon, and it's making me sad. I brought out Trigger's cat carrier for the first time since. Well, it's not specifically her carrier... but it had a piece of masking tape with her name on it from a long time ago, and I haven't used it for any of the other kitties in a while. So yeah, I guess it was her carrier. :( Nutsy came over and sniffed the carrier thoroughly. She clearly smelled Trigger, it was ve sad.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Halfway Thru Chemo
I'm halfway thru chemo, wheeee! Time has gone really fast, I think it's because the first 2 months of AC put me in a perma-fog. Now things are better. I had Taxol #3 yesterday, it was the best of my treatments so far. I got Benadryl pills instead of in the IV, so I didn't get all wonky. Also, the waiting room was empty so we got a chair quickly, and we got to sit in a private room in the back with the sun shining in. Miles and I played Gin Rummy and made-up card tricks, and the time went fast. Instead of finishing after 5 pm like we predicted, we got out of there around 3:30! And I even felt good enough to stop and eat lunch on the way home. I crashed for a few hours when we got home though, like usual.
I've been feeling pretty good lately. :)
I've been feeling pretty good lately. :)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Menopause Sucks!
The sample inhaler medication (Advair) that the pulmonologist gave me is scary and evil. Besides having some weird "black box warning label" and a huge list of awful side effects which he failed to mention... I can't sleep whatsoever when I take it. I took it for 3 days, and for 3 days I saw the sun come up. Unfortunately, it seemed to help my breathing, and now that I stopped taking it the shortness of breath is back. I'm not sure what to do. I hate doctors. Except for my beloved Dr. Awesome.
I'm also having menopausal hot flashes, mostly when I'm trying to sleep. Note to self: don't ever go into menopause because it sucks! There is a good chance that after I'm done with chemo and my body readjusts, my period will come back. I sure hope so. And if not, then well, at least we have the frozen embryos! Weird!
I'm also having menopausal hot flashes, mostly when I'm trying to sleep. Note to self: don't ever go into menopause because it sucks! There is a good chance that after I'm done with chemo and my body readjusts, my period will come back. I sure hope so. And if not, then well, at least we have the frozen embryos! Weird!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Eel-Cats and Turtle-Cats
I had Taxol #2 today. It went so-so. They gave me 50mg of Benadryl in my IV, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It made me feel so weird and loopy... I felt super drunk but even more. I couldn't speak and was afraid to drink water because I thought I would drop the cup. It was really weird and I didn't like it. But the Taxol itself went alright. I came home and slept for a few hours. Oh yeah, when we were leaving chemo, the nurse told us that an older couple commented to her that they saw Miles and I in the waiting room and thought we were such a vibrant young couple so much in love. Aww, that was really nice to hear.
Last night I had a bizarre dream. There was a fishtank in my brother's room with a giant yellow eel. The eel started came out of the water and morphed into a sopping wet cat. It ran out of the room and went to prowl the house. A few minutes later it came over and jumped in my lap and started purring. I thought it was Trigger come back to me and started talking to it, and soon realized it was definitely not Trigger. Then it was hanging out on the bed with me and Joseph. Joseph did a little somersault and the weird cat copied him, and then morphed into Joseph-color. I pet it some more and discovered a zipper on its back. I unzipped the cat and it just had pillow stuffing inside. In the meantime, my Mom had called The Wall Street Journal to do a story about the cat. Then all of the sudden Trigger was on the bed with us as well. She locked eyes with me and looked so sad. I started crying and told her I missed her so much, but that she didn't belong here anymore and that she needed to go back even though I didn't want her to. We talked for a while, and then she was gone. The Wall Street Journal showed up, but zipper cat had disappeared. The end. I know it's boring to read other people's dreams, so mostly this is for my benefit so I'll remember this awesome dream.
During my chemo nap I also had a weird dream. I was at a dinner party and we were playing a game. I correctly figured out that the poker hand of 9s full of 10s represented The Cure's "Pictures of You." I know, it doesn't make any sense.
I also uploaded some PHOTOS from my camera today.
Here is the cat party that happened the day before Trigger passed. I'm glad all three got to spend a little last cuddle time together:
Me on the plane with a nasty cold. Miles made me wear a facemask so I didn't get even sicker:
Steak & chicken tenders in-room dining!
After I woke up from my chemo nap I was still kind of loopy and had this bright idea:
I like this one a lot:
My bald head:
Last night I had a bizarre dream. There was a fishtank in my brother's room with a giant yellow eel. The eel started came out of the water and morphed into a sopping wet cat. It ran out of the room and went to prowl the house. A few minutes later it came over and jumped in my lap and started purring. I thought it was Trigger come back to me and started talking to it, and soon realized it was definitely not Trigger. Then it was hanging out on the bed with me and Joseph. Joseph did a little somersault and the weird cat copied him, and then morphed into Joseph-color. I pet it some more and discovered a zipper on its back. I unzipped the cat and it just had pillow stuffing inside. In the meantime, my Mom had called The Wall Street Journal to do a story about the cat. Then all of the sudden Trigger was on the bed with us as well. She locked eyes with me and looked so sad. I started crying and told her I missed her so much, but that she didn't belong here anymore and that she needed to go back even though I didn't want her to. We talked for a while, and then she was gone. The Wall Street Journal showed up, but zipper cat had disappeared. The end. I know it's boring to read other people's dreams, so mostly this is for my benefit so I'll remember this awesome dream.
During my chemo nap I also had a weird dream. I was at a dinner party and we were playing a game. I correctly figured out that the poker hand of 9s full of 10s represented The Cure's "Pictures of You." I know, it doesn't make any sense.
I also uploaded some PHOTOS from my camera today.
Here is the cat party that happened the day before Trigger passed. I'm glad all three got to spend a little last cuddle time together:
Me on the plane with a nasty cold. Miles made me wear a facemask so I didn't get even sicker:
Steak & chicken tenders in-room dining!
After I woke up from my chemo nap I was still kind of loopy and had this bright idea:
I like this one a lot:
My bald head:
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Asthmatic
Today I saw a lung specialist to see why I'm having such awful bouts of shortness of breath. Because it's so sporadic, he thinks I may have asthma. Awesome, more health problems! Just kidding. If it really is asthma I'm thankful because there are so many worse things I envisioned causing it. But still... asthma? That was weird to hear. So he gave me a couple of inhalers to try for two weeks to see if they help my attacks. I'm very glad someone's finally trying to do something about it, because my oncologist has been so unhelpful.
I've been complaining a lot lately, so I'd like to talk about something nice: what an awesome, caring, handsome, funny, and understanding husband (+ best friend/LOML/caretaker) I have! Even though it's been a few months, it's still so new to say "husband," I love it! Miles has always been an amazing dude, and so clearly the one for me. But since my diagnosis he's really gone above and beyond as the most caring husband ever. He hangs out with me during my long hours in the chemo chair. He preemptively plans his schedule to make sure he's there if he thinks I might be feeling ill or needing him. He makes me awesome healthy smoothies in the morning. He cheers me up when I make the mistake of reading the "Rememberance Board" on YSC. He brightens up my miserable work days with a LOML text. Remember when I used to count the number of days in a row we'd been together (because after our first date we never spent a day apart)? Well, it's been four years now!!! And I'm still thanking my lucky stars! I love, lurve, luff, luv you, Miles, you are the LOML!!
I've been complaining a lot lately, so I'd like to talk about something nice: what an awesome, caring, handsome, funny, and understanding husband (+ best friend/LOML/caretaker) I have! Even though it's been a few months, it's still so new to say "husband," I love it! Miles has always been an amazing dude, and so clearly the one for me. But since my diagnosis he's really gone above and beyond as the most caring husband ever. He hangs out with me during my long hours in the chemo chair. He preemptively plans his schedule to make sure he's there if he thinks I might be feeling ill or needing him. He makes me awesome healthy smoothies in the morning. He cheers me up when I make the mistake of reading the "Rememberance Board" on YSC. He brightens up my miserable work days with a LOML text. Remember when I used to count the number of days in a row we'd been together (because after our first date we never spent a day apart)? Well, it's been four years now!!! And I'm still thanking my lucky stars! I love, lurve, luff, luv you, Miles, you are the LOML!!
Monday, February 9, 2009
So Sick and Tired
I'm sick and tired. I've had a full-blown cold for 2 weeks now. It feels like it's finally (hopefully?) easing up a little bit. It just sucks that my body isn't able to fight it off like normal. Just another great benefit of chemo! Just kidding. Chemo is hard, but I know it's doing wonders for my "long-run," which is what really matters. I don't really have much to say. Just plugging away, trying to keep my energy and spirits up. Trying to wear the Buddha half-smile, which helps.
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