Spring Break at Lake Havasu

What a lovely weekend I had with my wonderfully handsome and kind husband. How did I land such a perfect catch?! I hope we grow old together for a very long time. These days I just about let myself believe that we will, though I have my moments of uncontrollable panic that cancer is just laying dormant somewhere in my body. Let's not talk about that now...

On Saturday we took Charlie to Barley and Hops for some early afternoon beers on their deck, and he made a few friends. We topped it off with supper, pool and beers at Stumptown, and a quiet SOA night at home. Sunday Occidental breakfast and a nice long walk in the woods with Charlie Barls. One of these days on the way home we're gonna stop and talk to the giant pig that wags its tail. Life is so quiet and full of love. Couch time with Miles, Nutsy, Joseph, Douglas and Charlie is my very favorite.

Road To Recovery

Nutsy gained nearly a pound!!! I was so happy I cried. This is the first time she has gained weight in probably a year. I am so very happy!!

I had a 6-month check up with my oncologist. I left the appointment also so happy I was crying. Seeing him always helps relieve the cancer/health/mortality anxiety I have. I got a thumbs up. I asked his opinion on doing a whole body PET/CT scan before having kids ... and his answer was he did not think I should, nor did he think I needed to. Instead, there is a newish blood test that can locate a single cancer cell within 1,000,000,000 blood cells. He told me I can take that test, and that I will get a zero reading, and then I can move on! I love a cancer doctor that instills such confidence.

Thanksgiving weekend was wonderful. Abundant good food and wine on actual turkey day. Wine tasting with Miles and his Dad on Friday. Saturday got the good news about Little Grandma. Sunday dog parking with Charlie in Healdsburg, followed by magic hour and bar food at Beer Republic, followed by an enjoyable rom-com at home with the entire four-animal zoo on our laps.

We saw Like Crazy last night. It made me want to vomit like crazy and it made Miles want to pour garlic butter on top of the popcorn like crazy.

Ear-Rubs VERSUS Eye-Rubs

My little grandma likes her crumpled ear rubbed.

My Little Grandma

Our little Nutsy grandma is not doing so well. Well, she's actually doing okay at the moment but we know that she's declining. She's slowly lost weight over the last year. But now that's changed to a rapid weight loss, and we've eliminated the easily treatable things it could be. The possible explanations we're left with aren't good, and she's so elderly and fragile that treatment would likely be more cruel than helpful. So we've decided to simply make the rest of her life as joyful and comfortable as possible, at least until it becomes apparent that we have to make a hard decision for her. For now, she's still enjoying lots of things. She eats voraciously, still likes pets and eye-rubs, still likes sleeping on our laps or on the couch with us, still hisses spunkily at the Charlie, still likes stretching and running over for treats, and even still plays with a string occasionally or tries to eat the cords on the blinds. After her check-up on Monday where we learned she'd lost 18% of her body weight in just a few months, we were feeling very grave and were ready to say our goodbyes very soon to spare her quality of life. But it is/was so hard to commit to pulling the trigger. I talked to Nutsy Monday night and asked her to let us know if she was ready to go or not. She responded on Tuesday by doing all of the happy things listed above with a renewed vigor. So after a long talk with our vet today we've decided to focus on palliative care now, and enjoy the time we have left with a happy Nutsy - whether that be days or weeks or months. I love my little grandma and it will be so hard to let her go ... but I will when the time comes. And then her and Trigger can snuggle again.

It's A Lot Better Than It Used To Be versus "Not Better"

Today was my 3 year diagnosis anniversary. Unlike last year or the year prior where I completely missed it... I've anticipated it for the past week. So it's here and I feel pretty awesome about it. The farther out I get, the better I mentally feel. Miles sent beautiful flowers to me at work - it was such an unexpected joy! He told me I was the strongest girl he knew. And you know, when strangers tell me how brave or strong I must be because of what I faced, it sort of makes me think "Well, what else would I have done - not gotten treatment and died? What choice did I have?" But when Miles tells me I'm strong it makes me feel soooo good because it's coming from the one person who saw me every second of every day that I had to (have to) deal with cancer and treatment and the aftermath. So it is very meaningful to me. Thanks, my awesome husband!

He also wrote me a haiku the other day that made me laugh so I wanted to share it:

sunshine sweet sunshine
i hope it brightens your day
glad you're not a vamp

We have been watching a lot of True Blood LOL.

Summer is officially over - maybe we can sneak in one more day at the river at some point? Maybe not. Charlie's wolfpack of one recently grew into a wolfpack of three! It is really awesome getting to see Ruby and Scout all the time now, not to mention Miles' dad. And going forward I have so much to look forward to: We're celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary later this month with a little Brent Weinbach. My parents are visiting again at the end of the month. We'll be visiting Janeball and her new husband in November. We'll get to celebrate the future Cards' victory with Will Johnson in person in November. And hopefully Miles and I will make it to Texas this winter, seeing as we won't have much reason to anymore after my parents move. I hope that we will run into Riggs.

Where Does The Time Go?

My memory is not what it used to be. Maybe it is lingering chemo-brain, or maybe it is because I take Lorazepam occasionally. I would guess it is probably from the chemo. But I used to have a "memory like a steel trap," and I don't anymore and it bums me out. I often have to try very hard to recall things I did a day or two prior. It's frustrating. Guess there is probably not much I can do other than accept it. Nothing else to really write about right now.

Texas Forever

Summertime around here is pretty awesome. We didn't get the full effect last year because Charlie was so young and we were busy training with him a lot - which I wouldn't have traded for anything! But now that he is grown goes everywhere with us, we're enjoying summer to its fullest!

We had really gud fud this weekend. It started with dinner at Bruno's - Miles had some of his favorite pork tenderloin ever, and I had a yummy & meaty meatloaf and some soupy yet really great maccies. We were greeted by three young kitties when we left the restaurant - a nice finishing touch.

On Saturday we went to Addendum in Yountville. We shared the fried chicken lunch box and orange dreamsicle ice cream. Charlie chowed on some wood chips. The chicken was well worth the hype. I didn't really know what to expect from gourmet fried chicken that's usually $50 and a steal at $16, but I do know that it made us very, very happy!! We didn't try the BBQ of the day which just means we'll have to go back next weekend! We also took Charlie to a dog park in Napa where he made best friends with a doberman, turned from a golden retriever into a black lab in the mudpool, and got to hang out with two other goldens, two huskies, two brittany spaniels, a black lab, a funny little corgi mix, and a parson russell terrier. I have never seen Charlie so muddy before! On the ride home he was so tired he looked like he'd been beat up.

Today we opted to skip the Sonoma County Fair and instead have a NFNL day! We had pizza from the weird new place that makes pizza that tastes like Round Table only way better.

Last weekend we took Charlie to our river spot and it was crowded, and he did so great like a Real Dog! He entertained everyone floating by and brought smiles to a lot of faces. He played chase-the-rock(s) with a shirtless little river kid with a mohawk.

In medical news, I had my 6-month MRI a week ago. I haven't heard anything yet and that's probably a good sign. In two months it will be my 3-year mark. Hooray!

Ain't No Trip to Cleveland

Miles and I decided on a band name, I'm pretty excited about it. Summer continues to be awesome. As much as I love how wintertime feels around here with its fog and rain and heavy trees... I have to admit that summertime feels extra amazing. We had our first river day this past weekend and I was so PLEASED! I feel so lucky and thankful to live in perma-vacation-land. We laid on floaties in the shallows and drank beer and admired the brilliant blue and greens of our surroundings. How far our life has come!

The Weather Is Not Like It Was Before

Another awesome welcome-summertime weekend. Charlie met a young Golden puppy on a walk and they romped together. Charlie pinned the pup, and then let the pup pin him. Then they were pooped & laid down facing each other, paws intertwined. Charlie also got to hang out with us while we played pool. Miles and I played poker, played Wii, drank champagne out in the sun, hung out on our deck and watched one hundred episodes of Friday Night Lights. I have the sweetest pair of gingers ever:

Hello, Birthday

Hello Diane, and hello Wii. My husband, my best friend!

I Beat August Bodine

It's been a fun couple of weeks! Miles and I stayed at the Wynn in Las Vegas for four nights and it felt like such a real vacation. We completed everything on our checklist except for roulette (good) and swimming in the pool (bummer). We: Ate at SW Steakhouse, spent a retarded amount of money at XS at Encore and danced, played tons of poker, did the freefall on top of Stratosphere twice, ordered biscuits & gravy room service, saw Cheryl Hines and Treo Hatchets (Teri Hatcher), paid for our trip in cash, made friends with Bill, and bet on the World Series of Baseball. I continued my excellent record of taking down small Vegas tourneys and won $1300 in one of the Wynn dailies, and angered a cocky young drunkard in the process. It was our funnest trip yet & and we'll certainly stay at the Wynn again.

Last weekend we went ziplining in our backyard... well, in Occidental. It was well worth it.

Charlie has been enjoying the river for some time now, but it's river season now for the humans.

I turn another year older tomorrow.

Been A While

It's been some time. One particularly important piece of news: I bowled 188 the other night! Also 160 and 135 - averaging to 161! I'm pretty pleased with this. My parents visited a while back. That is always ve pleasing. We played lots of games, as we are wont to do... billiards, Yahtzee, dealer's choice poker, Liverpool Rummy, more Yahtzee. We ate good food. Dad bonded with the Charlie. I miss them now, but hopefully not for long! Charlie had his Year One birthday! We didn't get him a doggy cake like we wanted, but we did take him for an extra long fun day dedicated to him! I started a gluten-free diet three weeks ago. The idea is that without gluten, my diet will be less inflammatory, and with less inflammation my wrists, shoulder and back will ache less. I'm hesitant to get too excited... but there really seems to be a difference!!!! Now the only thing left it seems is the arthritic type pain in my hands, which was always a separate pain from the rest. The gluten-free has not been as hard as I thought it could be. No tonkatsu though, what?!?!! All in all I have felt pretty good lately, though anxiety lingers and takes hold a lot still. After-work Charlie walks are a good temporary cure though. We cut Miles' long hair, now no longer long. He looks as he did when we first met and it is my personal fave! Swoon!!!

Negative Negative Negative

Surprise steak and movie drop. I love the Nard-Dog!! And surprise DST drop this weekend! I'm getting some adrenal glad testing done soon. Will it tell me something about my fatigue? Hopefully.

Rain Outside, Cozy Inside

It's a great to have cancer in my rear view mirror. The way the mind forgets is amazing. I don't think about cancer much anymore, and I've all but forgotten what baldness was like except when I see the photos. No matter what, life moves ahead. I'm just pleased my brain is following suit. I haven't had much anxiety lately. I can't think of a true panic moment in the last month. I'm not sure what changed. Maybe my stress in general has decreased? Having a dog is so awesome, it's true what they say about animals enhancing your life. Of course I have my moments where I freak out about losing him and how in the world will we deal with that... but that's typical me. At least the thoughts are fleeting. On the other hand, Nutsy - my little girl going on 15 - I have a feeling she's going to be around forever. My little grandma girl. Miles and I talked last night about how much Trigger would have loved our new house. On Valentine's Day I came home to a candlelit, daffodil and wine dinner -- with apple-cinnamon pork roast and mashies & peas. Miles is the sweetest and he is my best friend, and for that he gets to eat all the saltwater taffy!!! I am so blessed. Nothing could be better than sitting on the couch beside the love of my life, with Doug on my lap, also Charlie's head on my lap, Nutsy meowing every 5 seconds into my ear, and Joseph watching us from his armchair.

WE ARE THE LUCKIEST!!

Tonight I had the most awesome massage locally. The massage was incredibly grounding (I know... royg...), and she was kind and insightful. She went thirty minutes past what she charged me, and sent me home with mini-daffodils and carnations. She also told me that she thinks I'll be a teacher and a leader someday, based on the hardship I've endured.

Now onto a "therapist" of a different kind... Last week my psychotherapist told me that when I talked about anxiety, he felt a "swarm of bees" between us. And also that he felt a lack of connection between us. I guess it's time to find a new therapist...

I love my husband! I love my puppy/real dog! I love my kitties!

The Elusive Joseph

Made an appearance on my lap tonight!

How Many More Days Til Five Years?

Charlie officially weighs in at 71 pounds. We finally granted him bed privileges and it's the very very best! Nevermind that it means sometimes I have 70 pounds of crushing puppy-weight across my chest... it's so adorable when he falls asleep with his head in the crook of my neck! It's even more adorable when Douglas joins in on the cuteness, which is usually! Speaking of Douglas, here is a nice morning glamour shot of him:


We took the Christmas tree down and it made me sad so Miles turned on the banister lights and that made me happy. For old times sake here's a photo of me and the tree:


So I found that, indeed, I have sleep apnea - but the good news is that it's a "very mild" on the severity scale. That means I can do nothing and probably be fine for ten years as long as I don't get fat.

Nutsy has serious oral disease/inflammation and is getting the rest of her teeth removed! Poor thing! I feel terrible for her and wonder how long she's been in pain for. The vet told me I could give her warm baby food to help her eat more - and I had flashbacks to when Trigger's vet told me the same thing. :( But this is very different, so I don't think we're gonna lose Nutsy any time soon. She is one spry old grandma cat!

Charlie has parasites and an ear infection. Sheesh, what is happening with the zoo!? I have a hunch he may have gotten one or both as a present from his doggie daycare. He is pretty obliviously happy-go-lucky through the meds though, save for being a little lethargic.

Joseph has been more of an upstairs-cat than downstairs-cat lately, hooray!