Ready to Relax Time Pls

Treatment is done (yay!) and I've been off work for 2 weeks (yay!). But alas, I haven't started relaxing yet. :( For 18 days straight now, every time I eat solid food I have severe abdominal pain for hours. My diet has been reduced to the following items that don't hurt me: soup, fruit smoothies, yogurt, raisin bran and milk, and plain rice. Consequently, I've lost 10 pounds. Though I've been wanting to lose a little weight, I'm not happy it happened this way with the forced diet.

My oncologist tested my blood and I had an abdominal ultrasound, and everything came back normal (whew!). He put me on Prilosec and said it could take 7 days to work, and then pretty much washed his hands of it. 7 days of torture later I saw my GP. She was very kind and understanding, but couldn't really help me and referred me to see a Gastroenterologist. Then came the sucky part where I called a bunch of docs and no one could see me sooner than 2-5 weeks from now. I cried in the middle of the night because I was in pain for the umpteenth time and was so frustrated that no one was taking it seriously enough to want to help me NOW. Luckily, this morning one of the docs called back and squeezed me in for Monday afternoon. I'm so ready to be fixed. I haven't been able to live my normal life! Other than short walks, I haven't left the house for fear of being away from my heating pad and bed if the pain starts. I haven't been able to enjoy a nice outdoor weekday lunch. And though this time off work is for "recovery," I certainly don't feel like that has started yet.

Ok, I'll stop complaining now.

Despite the downer pain... not having to think about work has been amazing. Miles and I have been going on short walks to help with my energy. Our favorite thing is to walk to get a Jamber and drink it in Duboce Dog Park watching all the dudes! Yesterday I saw the most beautiful youngish golden with the silkiest flowy hair. No bulldog, basset or G-Dane sightings yet though. I am hopeful...

Many Celebrations

Happy birthday to me, happy last day of treatment, and happy 6 weeks off work to recover!!!!

My hair and eyebrows are on the mend!

Close to the End

I only have 8 rads left and then treatment is done. This is a good thing. There are some downsides though. I'm worried that when I'm done, work has this expectation that I'm ready to TCB. But in fact, for the 8 months of treatment I've had I'll probably need 8 months to really recover. I'm so tired all the time and achey everywhere and always in some kind of pain or distress. Also, without treatment to distract me, now comes the time to deal with everything on a mental and emotional level. I have felt really wrecked lately. I'm scared to death that I'll recur with mets and life will be cut short. Some days I don't acknowledge that fear, but it doesn't mean it's not there. I guess it's gonna take some time. But how can one not worry when the doc says your aggressive cancer is likely to recur in the first 5 years if it's gonna happen, or when the doc says to wait at least 2 years to have kids in case you do recur? I sure am looking forward to that carefree feeling again someday...

In good news, my eyebrows are growing back. It was not a big deal without them because I'm not particularly vain... but man, seeing them again makes me realize how weird I looked and I'm happy to have them back.