Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Close to the End

I only have 8 rads left and then treatment is done. This is a good thing. There are some downsides though. I'm worried that when I'm done, work has this expectation that I'm ready to TCB. But in fact, for the 8 months of treatment I've had I'll probably need 8 months to really recover. I'm so tired all the time and achey everywhere and always in some kind of pain or distress. Also, without treatment to distract me, now comes the time to deal with everything on a mental and emotional level. I have felt really wrecked lately. I'm scared to death that I'll recur with mets and life will be cut short. Some days I don't acknowledge that fear, but it doesn't mean it's not there. I guess it's gonna take some time. But how can one not worry when the doc says your aggressive cancer is likely to recur in the first 5 years if it's gonna happen, or when the doc says to wait at least 2 years to have kids in case you do recur? I sure am looking forward to that carefree feeling again someday...

In good news, my eyebrows are growing back. It was not a big deal without them because I'm not particularly vain... but man, seeing them again makes me realize how weird I looked and I'm happy to have them back.

1 comment:

M.'s Ramblings said...

Hey girl - I'm glad you're nearly done with treatment. You've been through so much, emotionally, and physically.......you've held it together thru some tought shit.

Take it one day at a time..........what about pursuing that graduate degree you were talking about? If you and Miles can deal without the full-time income, it might be a good thing for you to focus on a career that you've been wanting. No time like the present, ne?