Chemo Soon...

Chemo starts this coming Wednesday. Last week I had an extensive appointment with my Clinical Trial Coordinator. I'm trying to decide if I should join a clinical trial for Avastin. Avastin is a drug that's FDA-approved for Stage IV colon, lung and (most-recently) breast cancer. However, it's only been around for 10 years or so, and not much is known about how it may benefit early-stage high-risk breast cancer patients (hence, the clinical trial...). The scary things are: the long list of potential side effects, including many gnarly-sounding things, and the fact that no one really knows how Avastin could affect the body 30 or 40 years down the line. It's been a real struggle trying to decide, but I think I will go forward with it. My reasoning is that right now my primary concern is that my breast cancer will recur somewhere. If I want to be able to worry 30 years into the future, I have to first make sure I make it 10 years first. If Avastin gives me even another 0.01% chance that I won't recur, I think I'll take it...

So at the same long appointment, I also got a tour around my oncologist's office. I saw the chemo rooms, met my upcoming nurses, and saw some people getting their infusions. It made me very nervous for the first time since I've known I needed chemo. Every time I've been to my oncologist's office, there hasn't been anyone even near my age there. That's the worst part... it just makes me feel very isolated. In the end, I know I will do what I have to, and I know I'll get through it just fine, with a clear head and a positive attitude... but that doesn't mean it still doesn't suck to look around and see that I'm the youngest cancer patient there.

Luckily... I don't have these pity-party feelings very often. I think right now it's the pre-chemo "fear of the unknown" talking, and after getting over the hump of my very first infusion on Wednesday, I bet I will perk back up again emotionally and mentally.

I've decided that I want to get a port. After the trouble I've had with blood draws and IVs lately, and since I'm limited to only my right arm... I think it'll be wise to get a port. I'm looking at at least 16 IVs and countless blood draws in the next few months, so the port surgery seems worth it to avoid some worse heartache.